Read it here (with funny graphics), or read it below.
Where has Skag Winesack been?
â€œWell, Iâ€™ve been working on my cookbook, Jazz Casserole. I got a publisher (McSweeneys), so I havenâ€™t had much time to blog. I plan on changing that. Iâ€™ll never get that book deal from Cracked unless some diligence is shown.
I canâ€™t afford a lawyer, nor would I invite one onto my boat if the financial situation was otherwise.
The publisher has shown opposition to some of my chapter and dish titles. Scrapped completely is the chapter titled, â€˜Recipes That Will Tear Up Your Asshole.â€™ True, I like spicy food, and I drink, and the combination thereof does indeed have a tendency to, uh, make my bathroom experiences akin to a scrapping match with Randall â€˜Texâ€™ Cobb. Letâ€™s just say that Iâ€™m glad they put those bars in the handicap stalls.
They also had a problem with the cover art. My initial concept was an artistâ€™s rendition of me cooking in the kitchen, apron on and all, while my â€˜wifeâ€™ is locked out of the house, forced to make a burrito in the pouring rain.
Speaking of burritos, it was another â€˜no-goâ€™ for my tasty â€˜Dysentarito.â€™
I thought I was dealing with a progressive publishing house here. I could be wrong. Iâ€™m a little, as they say, â€˜out of the loop.â€™ As you know, Iâ€™m a semi-retired Private Eye that lives on a goddamn boat, and living on a boat in a South Memphis harbor can do alienating things to a man. I have to run a dial-up cable from my parlor all the way to the marina office/restaurant, and they keep unplugging it to run credit cards.
Oh yeah, I guess another problem area is my choice of certain ingredients. I thought most people liked seafood. Thereâ€™s nothing wrong with gar, drum, carp, or bowfin. And fowl? Iâ€™ve made a fantastic stew from the various winged vermin that swarm the marina. Getting shotgun pellets out of sparrow meat is NOT EASY.
Anyone out there up for some free legal advice? Jazz Casserole will not see the light of day as a neutered dog, and I mean it.â€