Hey you, look at the crap that came in the mail today.
ITEM! Neil Hamburgerâ€™s The Worldâ€™s Funnyman DVD. Alright, alright, alright alreadyâ€¦.heâ€™s performing here soon, Iâ€™m writing something about it, he wrote a forward for the forthcoming Just Farr A Laugh booklet, and this makes a total of three copies of this thing that sit in my office. If you havenâ€™t seen his appearance on Fox Red Eye, well, now you have (scroll down to the â€œon demandâ€ section).
ITEM! The brand new CD by The Sharp Things. On Bar/None and sporting four hundred members. The band photo on the back cover DOES NOT look promising. Guess what? Iâ€™ll never listen to this. Donâ€™t put â€œpossibly the only symphonic pop band in their native city of New Yorkâ€ in your promo one sheet.
ITEM! The brand new CD by Turzi. On Kemado. More horrible album art. I might listen to this. Eh, probably not.
ITEM! The brand new CD by Joe Shithead Keithley and his Band of Rebels. Dropped the â€˜yâ€™ I see, but continued to make music. The â€˜aâ€™ in â€œbandâ€ is an anarchy symbol. Thereâ€™s a handy notice on the cover stating â€œfrom D.O.A.â€ This hurts my feelings.
ITEM! The brand new album by Fourth of July. More horrible cover art. Promo one-sheet uses the word â€œbreezy.â€ Iâ€™ll never listen to this.
ITEM! BEST FOR LAST! The brand new album by Finnish femme Astrid Swan. Promo one-sheet cites Kate Bush, Peter and the Wolf, and Elliott Smith. Thanks for the warning. In the box you go!!!
A NOTE TO PUBLICISTS:
My new and constant e-mail response to publicists is as follows: â€œI need a promo of your labelâ€™s entire discography, or promos of every single artist that you represent. Yesterday!!â€