The world of music magazines that you haven’t read…

Uh…did I mention that Grandma’s Boy was funny?

I stare at a lot of magazine racks. What stares back? Countless mid-level publications with innocuous titles. It’s as if the internet never happened. WRONG!! The internet did happen, it just killed the zine world. What’s left is a glut of glossies with respective readerships comparable to any zine from the mid-90’s. One can count on boring graphics, boring interviews (interviews are always boring, trust me, I written plenty of boring ones) with boring bands, and boring record reviews. Just imagine if Pitchfork was exploded into a hundred print magazines.

Of course, I’m not referring to the magazines that I write for. They’re awesome. They’re also the only magazines that I actively read, because I get comp copies. My favorite music mag, though, is one that I no longer write for. I wrote for Decibel Magazine, issues 2 and 3, but after a few months of unreturned e-mails and rejected pitches (I still try every two months or so, just for shits and giggles), my name disappeared from the masthead (funny note: it remained by mistake in the masthead for issues 4 and 5). Still, I continue to get comp copies, and I read most of each issue. AND…..I enjoy 50% of that “most.” That’s a pretty good hit rate for this relationship between myself and a mid-level music glossy, especially one that couldn’t find room for my sizeable talents. And I’m sure that’s what it was, an space issue. I mean, no one can write a crappy, marginal metalcore review quite like me (Eugene of Oxbow had some funny things to say about writing for Decibel…scroll down).

Overall, Decibel writers remain a more caustic, humorous lot than what’s usually available in this insular bubble (made even more insular by the fact that Decibel covers “extreme” music, or rather, metalcore, death metal, grindcore, flimsy “art” metal, and the thrash revival). It’s miles above Revolver, which maintains a average IQ of 71 from cover to cover and remains stuck in 1998. Decibel gives way too much space to over-intellectualizing “intense” pretty-boy boneheadedness like The Red Chord, As I Lay Dying, A Life Once Lost (and any band that could share its name with the title of a made-for-Lifetime drama) plus other garbage that’s one dinner away from Hot Topic fodder. Outside of this, I manage to read enough entertaining writing to briefly expand my “to steal from Soul Seek” list.


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