A Short Glossary of Terms to Replace the Word ?Douchebag?

Douchebag, the word, not the personality flaw (though it’s come to signify ANY form of loathsome behavior), must be stopped. The word is everywhere, and became tiresome sometime in 2004. It is the ?Wazzuuup!!!? of insult slang. Our lexicon needs to be unclogged of this term, and I?m going to lead the fight. Here is an introductory list of encouraged replacements:

Ass Casserole ? Fails to load up on hard consonant sounds, a rule of good insult slang, but does have matching vowel sounds, another plus. Also, it looks and sounds hilarious.

Jack-Off ? We need to get a PG Rated insult into high circulation, one that?s historically sound. Hard consonant sounds? Yes.

Fart Blossom ? Not technically obscene, but incredibly off-putting. Recipient will first be stunned as they process the insult. This will be followed by the possibility of extreme irritation. A winner.

Horse?s Ass ? And we need a PG-13 Rated insult. Never fails at suggesting that target is a real piece of shit.

Gladys, Martha, Joyce ? For use against hetero men. Demeaning impact is powerful, funny, and insults can be leveled in any social environment.

Queef ? To compare an individual to vaginal flatulence, well, that?s strong stuff.

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